Sweet, Little Life of Ours

I was baking you marbled chocolate chip pumpkin muffins for your afternoon snack at school this week when I heard an awful sound in the bedroom. I literally dropped everything – spatula covered in batter, jar of ground nutmeg – and ran as fast as I could to you.

You had pulled the lamp on my nightstand off the table and on top of you. It had barely landed on you when I ran in and pulled you out from under it. You were so very afraid and upset. I held you and soothed you and reassured you that you were safe. My precious angel, I will always race to rescue you, no matter the situation or time of day or night.

This weekend was a tough one, my little love. We were all set to go to Camarillo with Grandpa for our cousin Michael’s high school graduation party, but Grandpa had a fall and needed nine staples in his head and you developed a 102 fever. You threw up a bunch this weekend. Poor, sweet, little you. You absolutely hate throwing up. There was a tough interaction on the playground, too, and you pulled out a tuft of a little girl’s hair. It was a deeply unfortunate incident, but I know you’re learning. I’m learning, too, and next time, I know how I’ll help you in a moment like that.

Tough weekends happen. Tough days, tough moments, tough times – they all happen. I want you to remember something very important, though: Daddy and I will be here to walk with you through them. You never have to face something tough alone. You have us, you have your family, and as you grow up, you’ll have your very best friends and a partner of your own.

It’s okay to be two. I needed to remember that this weekend more than I did. These behaviors that you might try on for size, we’ll work through them so you shine as the kind, helpful, generous, loving boy you are.

I love you, my sweet angel.

Every weekend we spend together is one I want to remember forever. This weekend, like so many of our weekends, was filled with our favorite things.

On Friday, I surprised you by picking you up from school! It’s usually Grandpa or Grandma who picks you up, so when you heard me say your name and you turned around to see me standing there, a huge smile spread across your face and you jumped into my arms for a tight, long hug. It was one of the 10 best moments of my life. Then, we went to Blackmarket Bakery for a cookie. You enjoyed your chocolate chip cookie and playing with the magnetic board. The weather was beautiful. It was such a sweet, little afternoon together.

On Saturday morning, Daddy and I brought you to Trolley Barn Park for some fun on the swings. We didn’t stay long because you and I had a birthday party to get to! It was Elowyn’s fourth birthday and you had so much fun chasing balloons, coloring with crayons, and watching the ducks and turtles in the pond. Meanwhile, Daddy surprised Matzah with a visit to her favorite place, Fiesta Island. On Saturday night, unfortunately, you had an accident. We were on the patio and I was trying to assemble your new tricycle when I heard a thud. I think you must have fallen face first into our wood gate leaning over to pick up a rock. Oh, my poor baby! You cried so hard and your nose looked red and swollen. I was so worried it was broken. You began to settle down after I got you a bottle and you cried so hard, you fell asleep for another nap. I iced your nose while you slept and I think it helped. I felt so badly you hurt yourself, but I loved cradling you while you slept and comforting sweet, sad, little you.

On Sunday morning, we met Grandpa for breakfast back at Blackmarket Bakery. Grandpa got his favorite almond croissant, Daddy ordered you a blueberry muffin, and Daddy and I split a delicious egg and hash brown sandwich on a croissant. In the afternoon, you and I went to Tecolote Shores, where you had fun on the swings, running around, and riding around on your new big boy tricycle! You were being silly when we got home, putting your balloon in your mouth knowing I had asked you not to and collapsing into giggles! You helped me make orange chocolate chip muffins for your snack this week.

I love you so, so, so much, my baby.

I blinked – actually, I sneezed, because that is the season of life we’re in, every week a different toddler illness – and my 7 pound, 12 ounce newborn was a bright-eyed, happy toddler moving fast toward boyhood.

So fast is it all moving that I’m a little late to be writing this post, but I have good reason: I’ve been busy! Not only did you recently turn two, but you also recently started preschool! More on that big life event in a moment. First, though, I want to preserve some core memories on the internet.

My beautiful boy, I can’t believe you’re 2. You came into this world at 12:34 p.m. on Saturday, April 2, 2022 (I was born on a Saturday, too!) and you turned 2 on a Tuesday. I was in shock when you were born. I know, right? We had tried for years, and here I was, stunned you were actually here and mine to take home. It took me a little time to fall in love with you and I hope you’ll be okay with that one day, especially after I explain to you what mamas go through physically and emotionally after having a baby. But once I did, oof, well, you know the rest. You are my best guy and I will worship the ground you walk on for the rest of all time. I’m so lucky to have gotten to spend your whole birthday week with you! It was special because not only did you turn 2, but it was the week before you began preschool.

The last week before you started school. How did we get here so quickly? You’ll be in school the next 16 years. Hopefully the next 20. Maybe even the next 28! Mama likes that orthopedic surgeon salary if you feel called to medicine. I’m kidding, I’m kidding! These were the last days of complete and total freedom. Over the last 18 months, I’ve taken days off here and there and spent them with you. It’s one of the nice things about having you later in life. I’m extremely grateful for the flexibility of my job that has given me these precious times with you.

During our Mommy and Tommy Birthday Week of Fun, we made some truly special memories together. On Monday, we met your new teacher, Mrs. Buckley, at one of our favorite parks, Trolley Barn Park. She knew I was feeling nervous about sending you to school and offered to meet us so we could get to know her better. She was really gentle and warm then and now, three weeks into your school career, she continues to be wonderfully loving toward you. On Tuesday, your birthday, we met Grandpa at IHOP for celebratory pancakes and then we went to Tecolote Shores Park, another favorite of yours, where I pushed you on the swings until I couldn’t feel my arms! You loved it, so I loved it. We made you macaroni and cheese for dinner and I baked you chocolate cupcakes. At 2, it’s clear: You’ve been afflicted by my terrible sweet tooth. I love the way you eat a messy cupcake with wild abandon, thick chocolate smears across your cheeks. It’s aspirational, really. You remind me that God gave us cake and to fully enjoy it. Daddy and I sang Happy Birthday to you to cap off a day full of your favorite things – as a birthday should be. The next day, we went to the Padres game! You had such fun running up and down the hillside and climbing on the giant baseball statues at the new Gallagher Square. Daddy’s cousin, his wife and their almost-two-year-old were in town from Florida and also at the game, so we met up. You actually napped most of the game, which I loved for you. Snoozing to the sounds of a winning Padres game? You’re a real fan. On Thursday, we had a family birthday picnic for you! I had a special Little Blue Truck cake made and Daddy picked up Costco pizza. You loved showing your Oma your favorite places on the playground. On Friday, you had your first official playdate with your little friend, Arthur. It was adorable. He had a lot of awesome toys that you were very into. In fact, the Amazon Birthday Fairy hadn’t selected your birthday gift yet and two of the toys you were playing with were waiting for you the next day!

On Saturday, my anxiety about you starting school was at an 8, but still we went to a big family get-together in Murrieta. I will never tell you enough how lucky you are to have such a giant family on your dad’s side. They’re Dutch Indonesian, so they make incredible food, and they love you so much. Your cousin, Aaron, was so good playing with you. It’s important to me you always keep connected to your family. One day, we’ll go on a plane for a very long time over a very big ocean so you can see where you come from. It’s a wonderful place very different from home. There is a lot of poverty there and as you get older, I want you to understand that. I don’t want to shield you from the hard truths of the world, but give you experiences to expose you to them and hope compassion, empathy and generosity grow out of them.

School is going really well! You’re in Mrs. Buckley’s class and your little classmates are Major, Chance, Julianna, Piper, Wesley, Kailo and Lily. They’re all older than you, which is wonderful because you’re learning so much from them! You have STEM with Ms. Susan on Mondays, music with Mr. Josh on Wednesdays and Thursdays, and chapel on Friday. You go to the garden, read books, play on the playground, and make art. Your first week of school was special because it was Week of the Young Child. One of the days was Dress Like Your Favorite Book Character Day and I really wanted you to impress so I made you a shirt to look like Little Blue Truck. I’m crafty, who knew? Now you’re learning a song that you’re apparently going to sing to me and the other mommies at your school’s Mother’s Day Tea. I bought a new dress and have an appointment to get my nails done. I want to look good for you! These are the very best days of my life, standing next to you watching you have these wonderful experiences. I always thought my mom couldn’t possibly just want a card for Mother’s Day, surely she had to want something from Nordstrom, but no. Now I understand. I just want something you’ve painted and to lay in the grass under a warm sun with you. It’s literally all I need to be happy.

I bought one of those “My First Day of School” boards, but no surprise, you were disinterested in having your photo taken with it. So, here are some things about you right now as a brand-new two-year-old!

Things You Love

• Berries
• Climbing everything
• Swings
• Snuggling
• Sleeping in
• Ms. Rachel on YouTube

Your Nicknames

• Bub
• Bubber
• Monchhichi Monkey
• Lovebug

I love you so much, Thomas Joseph Holloway. You never have to wonder if I’m thinking about you or if I’m proud of you: The answer is always and forever yes. You are the best, brightest, most wonderful person I’ve ever known and I want to keep you as only mine forever, but more I want the world to know beautiful, amazing you. So, with each step you take a little further away from me, my heart breaks inside while I wildly cheer and celebrate you achieving anything and everything you want. Just promise to save a dance for me. How about to our song, “Beautiful Boy?” ❤️

You’re sleeping sweetly in the curve of my left arm. I just wanted to write this post to document the amazing number of words you said tonight. As we were leaving grandma and grandpa’s, you said up, down, open and go. I’m so, so proud of you. I love you so much!

I took Friday off work to spend time with you after having to work three late nights in a row. I crave time with you and am lucky my job affords me flexibility. We made plans to meet my friend, Julie, and her son, Mikey, who is just a few months older than you, at the zoo. After seeing the giraffes and koalas, you and he had fun playing in the kids area. The zoo has a kids area made for you and your current love of climbing anything and everything you can! There is a steep rock climbing hill and you blew me away with your bravery, confidence, balance, coordination and strategic thinking as you mastered the hill going up and down. There are also neat rope structures made to look like spider webs. You played and played for hours. Then you and Mikey hugged goodbye (I was again so proud of you) and we headed home to have lunch.

Daddy has been sick, so we had a Mommy and Tommy weekend. On Saturday we went to Spill the Beans in Mission Valley for coffee for me and a muffin for you, then we went to Civita Park. First we checked out the farmers market there. I bought a freshly squeezed orange juice, but you weren’t interested. I *love* fresh squeezed OJ. Hopefully you’ll come to enjoy it. Again you wanted to climb. I was really proud of the giant step you climbed using your upper body strength. After we went to the playground where you wanted me to push you on the swings and played in the sandbox. It was another fun day together. In the afternoon, I had a hair appointment, so you hung out with Grandpa, who texted me to say he loves hanging out with you and you’re such a babe magnet. Oh yeah? 😉

On Sunday we headed out early to a favorite park and playground, Tecolote Shores in Mission Bay. Again you enjoyed the swings, but you were also interested in a new slide! You were nervous, but I was right next to you as you went down twice. I saw you smiling! We went on a 3 mile walk along the water after and you took a short nap. We spent the afternoon and evening at home playing with toys, reading books, taking a nap, and listening to music.

Right now you’re curled up against my left side body and drifting off to sleep. I sleep better when I can feel you close to me. I love you so much, my baby angel, and will try to write these more often to remember the details of our beautiful life together.

Saturday! I absolutely cherish weekends in a way I never have before. I love the time we spend together, fun things we do, naps we take, and moments we relax at home. Today was a little of everything. It’s Grandma and Grandpa’s wedding anniversary (51 years!), so we joined them for coffee at Kafe at Abopopa Hotel in Hillcrest. You had already been there with Grandma, so the owner knew you, but needed to be introduced to Dad and me. That has happened before and I think it’s so special. You go so many places with Grandma and meet so many people. I love what a little star you are of Bankers Hill.

Kafe was really lovely! Someone who looked like she might have been the owner’s wife brought out a wood toy train set and stacking cups. You had fun playing with the train set, but only until you spotted the open gate that led to the street. You made a beeline! You’re so funny. Oh, we bought a pretty bouquet for Grandma (and Grandpa too I suppose) at my favorite flower shop across the street, Green Fresh Florals. Grandma loved them.

We came home and took a nap. In the afternoon, you and I went on a long walk in the neighborhood. We walked all the way to Vons and did the grocery shopping. Then tonight, we brought Matzah with us to Trolley Barn Park where Dad and I took turns pushing you on the swings. You love the swings so much! It makes me sad that you cry so hard when we have to leave. I promised you more swings tomorrow and I’m going to keep that promise. I gave you a bath and then Daddy put you to bed.

There’s probably enough formula left for just one more small bottle and wow, I’m feeling very emotional about that. It feels like just yesterday you were a newborn drinking those 2 ounce premade bottles.

The best part of my day was you wrapping your arms around me and hugging me. How are you 15 months old (tomorrow!) and you know how to give the world’s best hug? I love you forever more than the deepest ocean, lovebug.

Today I left the house before you woke up to go to my gym, Barry’s Bootcamp. I contemplated opening your door as I was leaving. I really wanted to see you because I knew I wouldn’t see you all day and night, but I didn’t want to risk waking you up and make Daddy have to get up early. Daddy got you ready and dropped you off with Grandma (it’s Friday, so Grandpa was with me at the hospital doing his volunteer job of driving the shuttle. You and Grandma had a nice morning together and went to Sisters Pizza for lunch, where Daddy picked you up around noon. You and he drove two hours in traffic to Temecula where some of your aunties, uncles and cousins live. Daddy said you had so much fun playing with all of them. You got your first scrape on your knee! While you and Daddy were away, Matzah and I had a girls day. I took her on a walk, then I took a bath. She and I watched a movie on the couch and I cleaned up and made you apple cinnamon donuts. I can’t wait to see if you like them tomorrow. I think they’re really good. You and Daddy just got home and it’s almost 10 pm! I changed a sleepy you into your pajamas and didn’t worry about brushing your teeth just for tonight. You fell fast asleep on my shoulder – no chance to read books tonight! I think I’ll let you sleep on me a little longer, I missed you so much today. I love you, my baby.

There is just one sleep until Christmas and I’m so excited, you’d think I’m the one expecting Santa. 

I’ve been dreaming of your first Christmas since you got here – and many years before. We’ll wake up in the morning snuggled together in bed; lately, you’ve been waking between 5 and 6 when I pull you into our bed for another hour or two. You nestle into the crook of my arm and we sleep so well like puzzle pieces in their right spots. Matzah will join us from her cozy spot at the foot of the bed as we give each other good morning hugs and kisses. Matzah has become quite fond of you; don’t take this the wrong way, but the more graham crackers you drop to the floor, the fonder she becomes. Your family will be delighted to see you as we walk through the door, the Christmas tree aglow and surrounded with presents. Grandpa will have started on the eggs, bacon, pancakes and coffee, and Grandma will make her Starbucks run before we dive into the stockings. Aunt Kim and Uncle Matt are in town, and later we’ll have lunch with Opa, Oma and your uncles. There’s never been a Christmas like this before.

You’ll be 9 months old in a week and that feels like a lot to take in. You’ve changed so much since the last time I wrote. You crawl with great determination and speed, you pull yourself up to stand, and you babble up a storm. You’re very interested in things and your smile is the absolute best. You play with M, D, and B sounds, and you’ve hinted at “Mama” and “Dada” recently. You’re so smart, open and curious, but perhaps the thing I love most about you these days is your affection. Between messy kisses and peanut butter-covered hugs, you reach out for me and I reach back. We hug and I kiss you all over as you giggle. You look for me in a crowd and I find you. You’ll never have to wonder who my eyes are locked on; it will always be you. My heart catches in my throat at the thought of you.

There’s this precious thing that happens to us sometimes. We’ll be somewhere and a man will stop to look at us. It’s always a man, and his face always softens as he studies us. He asks an interested question, like how old you are or how you’re enjoying the holidays, and wishes us a great day. Yesterday, a nice man walking his dogs tenderly said to me, “What would we do without our moms?” then walked away smiling. You and I had just been making sweet faces at each other while I was at the trunk pulling out your stroller. I’m sure this man saw our loving exchange and felt a familiar tug at his heart. It’s the one I feel for you and I know you feel, too. I imagine he was thinking of his own mom when he saw us. This has happened before and it’s incredibly sweet. I’m touched that others see what we share.

Your first Christmas has been so special. We’ve slept in, gone to the zoo, visited Santa, looked at lights, spent time with friends, read How the Grinch Stole Christmas and baked gingerbread men. If this is all a dream, don’t wake me up. Santa comes tomorrow, but you’re the gift I’ve wanted all my life.